(Metal Gear, its characters and
settings, belong to Konami and are being used here without permission).
Once Bitten
Snake stifled a yawn against the palm of his hand. He was well into his third
day in the jungle, and fatigue was starting to set in. He'd have to ration his
strength from here on out.
There was also the problem of that faint, bothersome itch. Could it be that rot
was setting in already…? It was somewhere he couldn't rightly scratch… not with
that man Ocelot still around at any rate.
Snake looked down, past his rippling arms, his rock-hard abs, the strong
crossbar of his shoulders… Wait a second! Strong shoulders didn't go below
rock-hard abs. Neither, for that matter, did glistening black hair or sharp
aquiline features.
"Ah-ha!" said Snake. "That's the problem. I picked up a nasty
case of bisexual Eastern European vampires somewhere. It must have been when I
walked through those deserted ruins built upon unholy ground a few clicks
back."
"Mrph," the bisexual Eastern European vampire agreed, nodding his
head, which happened to be wedged neatly in Snake's crotch.
That didn't surprise him. Those damn bisexual Eastern European vampires would
latch on wherever the flow of blood was the strongest.
"And just what do you think you're doing down there, Pilgrim?" Snake
asked, poking the bisexual Eastern European vampire lightly in the shoulder.
He bobbed up and down. "Mmm… mrph mrrph."
"It doesn't look like nothing to me. You're drinking my blood, aren't
you?"
"…mrph mmph mrph?"
"Yes! Of course that's my blood!" Snake sighed. "How long are
you going to be down there?"
"Mm… Mrph mrrph mph."
"That's a while. You sure are a hungry little fellow."
"Mrph mrrrph!"
"No, of course I'm not saying you're fat."
Snake reached into his flak jacket, and found his crumpled cigar. He dusted it
off on his sleeve. "By the way, aren't you in the wrong timeline?"
"Mrph mrr mrrph mrph. Mrph mrrrphh mrrph. Mr mph mrrrph mrph mrrrppph
mrph. Mr mrph? Mrppph mrrrph mrph mrr mrph mr. Mrph mrrrph mrph mrrr
mrph."
"Ah, I see." Snake nodded sagely. "It's such a simple
explanation, yet utterly convincing in every way."
He lit his cigar. A question mark appeared over the bisexual Eastern European
vampire's head.
Snake had him right where he wanted him.
He lowered the cigar, and gave the bisexual Eastern European vampire a little
stab.
"Nrph!" said the bisexual Eastern European vampire, and then,
undisturbed, went back to sucking.
Snake sighed.
It was a good thing he always carried that blowtorch for emergencies…