Epilogue
Celena closed her eyes as the tears began to fall anew. She felt as if all day she had been combating them, through rationalization and anger and pride, and she lost every battle. Her throat would close as if it too wished to halt the fierce sobs, and her body would shake from the strain of imprisoning them. She would grind her fists into her eyes and try to hold back, which only made the pain worse. And at last she would give in--as she was doing now, sitting with her back pressed to the balcony railing. She had come here once before with the intent of receiving peace from the night air, from the tiny innocent stars, and was again denied their comfort. Because sleeping beneath those pinpoints of light slept Fanelia, whose people she had tortured and scattered. This place marked the birth of her sins.
Three days had passed since returning from the Phantom Moon. Celena did not remember the first day at all--she’d been dragged down in fever, or so Allen told her later. In her delusions she’d called out for the Dragonslayers, for Jajuka, for Allen and even her mother. The content of her dreams she did not know, so she didn’t know why she’d needed them so desperately. But now her mind was startlingly clear--her memories had solidified, so that she recalled faces and events without effort. Without wanting to. There were so many joys she had forgotten from her childhood--simple things that Dilandau enjoyed, like sneaking out of the barracks at night. The thrill of riding in a guymelef for the first time. The pride of receiving command of and naming the Dragonslayers. But on the heels of every happy or pleasant memory was another that made her blood run cold. She remembered all the people she’d killed, the homes she’d destroyed--the failure of leading her comrades to die. The pain of the sorcerers needles, the fear of losing her sanity, the sickening pleasure of the hunt--they all swirled inside her, and she could not ignore her guilt.
She’d spent all of the second day confined in her room, trying to ignore the celebrations outside announcing the return of Fanelia’s king. She refused all company except for the sorcerer, Kolaf Driffth--it was from him that she learned the truth and intent behind her manipulation. That day was a day of acceptance, of awakening.
The third day she finally allowed her brother to stay with her, and he did the best to console her wounded spirits. Jovey was there as well, lending a friendly ear as she spilled forth all her grievances. They took great care with her, though she noticed that they were doing their best to avoid the subject of Van and Hitomi. She was grateful for that.
Tomorrow they would return to Asturia. Jovey would come with them--he had insisted on it, not because of his duty toward Dilandau, but to make up for his part in the events that had taken place. It was rumored that Van and Hitomi had not left each other’s presence for a moment upon reaching Gaea--whether the pair had arranged an engagement, however, was still up to speculation. Celena had not seen them to ask. In fact, she was fearful of their reaction to her should they meet again.
And so there Celena rested, accompanied only by the insensitive stars and Fanelia’s dull night lights, fighting the impossible battle against her own frail heart. Had she been in a stronger frame of mind she might have noticed the footsteps approaching, or seen the figure that appeared on the balcony beside her. Some time passed, as the visitor watched the girl crying softly into her hands.
“Celena.”
She started, lifted her head to see who had stumbled upon her. Her breath caught in her throat--it was Hitomi, dressed a flowing blue nightgown, her hair tied with ribbons. She looked much older than when Celena had seen her last--or more mature, at least. She was smiling the way a very old woman might smile, with wisdom and understanding.
Celena unconsciously drew away. Though she no longer felt the pain or nausea she had before attributed to the presence of the Dragons, she was unsure what to expect. Hitomi shouldn’t have been smiling at her like that. She tried to speak, and couldn’t.
“It’s all right,” Hitomi said softly, her eyes gentle. “You shouldn’t cry like that anymore, Celena. No one blames you.”
She gulped, and scrubbed at her eyes in shame. “I can’t help it,” she whispered. “It just hurts so much.”
"It’ll get easier. You’ve got a lot of people who care for you.”
Celena nodded solemnly. Cautiously, she glanced at her companion. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you with Van?”
Hitomi sighed heavily, and stood. She set her elbows on the railing. “I just needed a break, I guess. I love Van, but I can’t be with him every second of the day, can I? I need space.” She turned her face upward, toward the sky, and her eyes dulled. “Besides, I wanted to see the Earth.”
“The Phantom Moon?” Celena climbed to her feet and gazed at is as well. “It doesn’t look as bright anymore.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Hitomi sighed again in a nostalgic kind of way.
“Do you miss it?”
“Well, of course. But I have a new life now.” She turned to face the blonde girl and smiled that same, mystifying smile. “Kind of like you.”
Celena frowned at her. “I’ve heard this speech from Brother already,” she murmured. “Dr. Driffth says that I might be able to make my own destiny now, because I’ve rejected the old one, but I don’t know what to do.” She wrapped herself in her arms. “I don’t even know if I deserve to be alive right now. Shouldn’t you hate me?”
Hitomi stared at her, startled by the abrupt inquiry. “No. I don’t hate you. Why should I, when it wasn’t your fault?”
“But….” She shook her head in frustration. Hitomi didn’t understand--no one did. If she lived happily, if she erased her past, then why did all those people have to die? It was all such a waste….
“Celena, you can’t keep blaming yourself,” Hitomi said, placing her hand gently on the girl’s shoulder. “You’ve had enough. We all deserve a second chance for happiness--look at Jovey. He was a Zaibach just like you, and Van spared his life. If Jovey didn’t take that chance, he would have never found you again.”
“Then this wouldn’t have happened,” she replied. “Any of it.”
“And then I wouldn’t be here, either.” The girl smiled ironically. “There are two sides to every story, Celena. Van hurt a lot of people by protecting me. There are consequences to everything we do. You’ll have plenty of time to regret the things you do on purpose, let alone the things you couldn’t help,” she added with a grin.
Celena couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “I suppose you’re right,” she murmured.
“Of course,” the girl declared, having gained back a bit of her old spirit. “You’ve got a remarkable brother and a good friend who cares for you. And Van and I care for you. We all went through a lot of trouble to get you back here safe, so we expect you to be happy.”
Celena stared at her, wondering if she should believe. Hoping that she could believe. She turned to gaze at the kingdom that slept below them. “I destroyed this kingdom once,” she whispered, watching the few tiny people that still traversed the darkened streets. “But I brought you and Van together, in a way. Please, for my sake, make these people happy. Then we won’t owe each other anything.”
Hitomi nodded. “Yes. I will, if you take care of Allen-san and Jovey for me.”
“Of course.” Celena took in a deep breath, filling her lungs with the rich scent of her blue planet. I really do want to be happy. Then she turned to Hitomi, and smiled. “Thank you.”
*End
*whew* Finally finished! I hope you all liked it, and thanks for the support. Let me know what you thought!