Chapter 6: Dragons' Destiny
(Caution: just a bit more adultish than usual, folks, but I don’t think Van’s complaining ^_-)
Van lay awake for several hours that night. His brain was too full of images to allow for sleep. Even after he’d counted every line and blemish in the ceiling, after his mind and body had grown exhausted from staying awake, long after the rest of the house had gone silent, he found no rest. For when he closed his eyes Hitomi’s face replaced the night, smiling softly, her eyes bright and warm. To sleep would cause that image to be extinguished, which no part of him would allow.
He’d kissed her. He’d fulfilled the dream of a thousand nights, and yet felt little triumph. The moment had ended far too soon--he’d ruined it. After that they’d traveled in silence, until discovering and disabling the Alseides. They’d spoken very little on the way back. All that time he’d tried to work up his nerve to speak to her, to explain or at least apologize, but now she was sleep without having heard.
I’ve been such a fool. It’s been too long--much too long. We were too young and immature back then. Van dragged a hand over his face. I shouldn’t have ever hoped that she would love me.
When Hitomi awoke the next morning she did not want to go downstairs. She showered and dressed and gathered her schoolwork, and stopped at the top of the stairs. The thought of seeing Van once she reached the bottom caused a blush to rise in her cheeks. She took a deep breath, bit her lip, and started down at last.
The source of Hitomi’s anxiety was the content of a dream she’d had the night before. She told herself that she shouldn’t let it affect her--her friends had described similar experiences to her, and it seemed only natural. But still, I haven’t a dream like that for--wait, have I ever had a dream like that? Her stomach churned as she reached the final step. Back on Gaea I thought a lot about Allen, but not like that. Never how I dreamt of Van last night.
Stop it stop it stop it. Hitomi forced herself to calm as she entered the kitchen. The first person she saw was her mother at the counter, preparing her and her brother’s box lunches. As she rounded the corner she caught sight of her father and Tatsumi eating breakfast at the table. Van was also there. He glanced up as she entered.
Hitomi froze in the doorway when their eyes met. He was watching her sadly, uncertainly; she recognized that look. It was an expression he’d given her when he’d caught her and Allen together on the Crusade, and again on the bridge in Palas. The words formed on his silent lips were clear to her. I can’t have you, can I?
You already have me. The visions from her dream rose up and surrounded her: his wide, rough hands pressing into her back; his sweet fragrance suffocating her delicate senses; his mouth, hot and hungry, as it had tasted in the forest the day before. She wanted to feel his arms around her as she had then, supporting her. Without them she felt weak.
“Hitomi?” She stared when her mother spoke. “You’re just standing there. Are you all right?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” Hitomi replied quickly. She took a seat across from Van at the table, where her breakfast was waiting.
“Are you sure? You look a bit flushed.”
“It’s nothing, really. Good morning, everyone.”
The family greeted her pleasantly--or relatively so, as far as Tatsumi was concerned. Van waited until they’d finished before saying, “Good morning, Hitomi.”
“Good morning.” She smiled at him, and was forced to avert her eyes when his fixed gaze caused her cheeks to grow hot. “Did you sleep all right?”
The king coughed sharply into his fist. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I?”
“I was just wondering.” Hitomi frowned thoughtfully. Wait--is he--blushing?
Van devoted himself to eating breakfast after that. She snuck glances at him whenever she could without being noticed. He looked as unsure and uncomfortable as she felt. A thought sprang upon her; had he been dreaming about her? Instantly her flesh grew hot, as the dream-sensations resumed their haunting. She shoveled more rice into her mouth to hide her embarrassment. But even then her gaze was drawn continuously to his hands; their subtle, simple movements fascinated her.
“Hitomi, you’d better hurry up or you’ll be late,” her mother advised wisely.
“Yeah.” Hitomi gulped down the rest of her breakfast. “Oh yeah--Van, I’m going to school, so you’re kind of on your own today.”
“School?” Van repeated, lifting his gaze.
“Uh-huh. Track practice is afterwards, so I won’t be home until after five.” She carried her dishes to the counter and retrieved her lunch. Her manner was brisk and light to keep her malcontent from showing--she didn’t want to leave Van home alone all day. “You’ll help Mom with the chores, won’t you? It’s better than doing nothing.”
“Dear, he doesn’t have to,” her mother interrupted.
But Van didn’t appear to mind. “That’s fine. I’ll…see you when you get back.”
“Yeah. Take care. Come on, Tatsumi.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Hitomi waved goodbye as she and Tatsumi headed out the door. Mariko was already waiting. “Come on, already,” she said from atop her bicycle. “We’ve gotta get to school before the rumors start.”
“Rumors?” Hitomi made a face at her brother, ritualistically so, as they split up. She then devoted her attention to Mariko as they prepared for their morning race.
“Yeah. Sayaka phoned me list night--she and some other saw you with your king friend yesterday. I told them I didn’t know.”
Damn, I should have realized. Half the school will know before practice--before lunch! Hitomi tightened her shoelaces gloomily. “The story is he’s a family friend of a relative in Germany,” she said. “But if Yukari asks, send her to me and I’ll tell her the truth. Are you ready?”
“Always. Let’s go.”
That day passed as a blur for Hitomi. She spread the news about her “German” friend Van, and quelled as many of the more romantic rumors as possible. She took a test and a quiz she hadn’t prepared for, and slept through lunch. During math she doodled in the margins of her notebook and thought constantly of Van. Was he getting along with her mother? Was he too bored? What if Celena found him unarmed? This last thought was enough to distract her from getting any work done that period. Likewise, track practice did not go well. Her new shoes weren’t worn in enough, and she couldn’t concentrate. She had to assure her comrades several times over that she would be ready for Wednesday’s meet.
When Hitomi returned home she was only worried more: Van had left. Though her mother told her clearly that he’d indicated he was only going out for a short walk, she couldn’t help worrying. The city was much larger than what Van was used to, and dangerous. Eventually she left for Cram School--again she got no work done. Her friends tried to comfort her with little success. She was simply too anxious to listen to their advice.
After school Hitomi marched up to her front door determinedly. He’s going to be there, she told herself fiercely. Van will be there, and I’m going to give him a piece of my mind, making me worry about him like that. She swung the door open and kicked off her shoes. “I’m home!”
“Welcome home,” Tatsumi called sarcastically from the living room. “Your boyfriend came back.”
Hitomi dashed into the living room, forgetting her vow to make Van suffer unspeakable tortures. Tatsumi was right: the two boys were glued to the television, hands curled around the gray game controllers. She sighed in exasperation. “Tatsumi, of all the things you could have introduced him to, you chose video games?”
Tatsumi shrugged innocently. “You said they fight in giant robots. I figured Gundam would be perfect.”
“It’s fun,” was all Van said, focused completely on the flashing giants on the screen.
“Geez.” Hitomi rolled her eyes, and suddenly all her reserved anger came rushing back. “I’ve been worried sick about you,” she admonished. “Where did you go?”
“Just around,” he answered casually. “I wanted to get a feel for the layout of things.” He paused for a moment, concentrating on evading his opponent. “I’m sorry if I made you worry.”
Hitomi sighed again, even knowing that she wouldn’t be able to stay mad at him. With a smile she carried her stuff to her room, and unloaded her homework. Though she would have liked to speak to Van about his day, her experience in being unprepared for school that morning was a well-needed reminder. She would at least have to finish her assignments. Determined not to let herself be distracted, she put on her favorite CD and sat down at her desk to work.
An hour later she heard Tatsumi retire to his room, and soon after, her parents. She glanced at the clock: eleven forty-five. One more set of problems and I’m done, she thought gloomily. She changed into her pajamas--boxers and a T-Shirt--before returning to the algebraic carnage.
Hitomi had almost finished when a knock on the door startled her. I thought everyone went to bed…? “Come in.”
The door swung open, and before she realized she’d stood up from her chair. Van was watching her calmly, though seemingly a bit unnerved by her sudden animation at his entrance. “I’m sorry if I startled you,” he said hesitantly.
“No--no, it’s fine.” She sunk into her chair once more, twisting it so that she could face him. “Is something wrong?”
“Not really.” He took a step inside and closed the door behind him. “I just…wanted to see you, I guess.”
“Oh.” He’s in my room! God, he’s in my room! Hitomi fidgeted, hoping that her face didn’t look as red as it felt. I’ve never had a guy in my room before. She glanced about, and was mortified when she realized that she’d left all her clothes laid out on the bed from that day. Too late--he’s already noticed. Van was taking a slow scan of the room, as if committing every detail into his memory.
“Um, how was today?” Hitomi asked, hoping to draw his attention away from the mess. “I hope you didn’t get lost.”
Van smiled. “Of course not.”
“Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t.” She shifted in her seat, wondering at why she felt so nervous. “I’d have no idea where to look for you.”
“You don’t have to worry about me.” With a silent gathering of courage Van came closer. He could see Hitomi’s fingers curling around each other nervously. Just like my stomach. He leaned against her desk in a way he hoped appeared casual. “But that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”
“What is it?” Hitomi stared up at him innocently, though her cheeks were practically glowing.
He ran his hand through his hair. “Well, actually, about yesterday.” As expected, her gaze escaped his, and she continued fidgeting. “Um…what was that?”
“Well, um…I’m pretty sure it was a kiss,” Hitomi replied with no little amount of obvious embarrassment.
“More than just a kiss.” The words were spoken before he was ready to face the consequences. He coughed a bit at his own abruptness. “I mean….”
Hitomi took his hand. The feel of her skin caused a chill to run up his arm, but he didn’t dare withdraw. “I know,” was all she said.
“No, you don’t know.” Van pulled back, frustration rising in place of his diffidence. He had to tell her the truth--the words he’d hoped to be able to speak for years. “Hitomi, I…you have to know…how I feel about you by now.”
She started, and her eyes went wide. But before she could speak he went on. “Since you left Gaea I’ve been like half a person. For so long, I…and you never…even after….” He turned away, too afraid to face her anymore. He was shaking, but he couldn’t stop. “I love you,” the words tumbled out. “For so long. Any every day, watching you…and Allen….” He shook his head fiercely. “Even when you said…you felt that way…I realized later that you didn’t hesitate in going home. That I never belonged in your life--none of us did.”
Van sighed, unable to speak more. He hung his head in shame of having spoken to her in that manner--he hadn’t come here to accuse her. And saying it didn’t make him feel better, as he’d hoped. He felt worse.
Her hand touched his back, gingerly at first, before sliding around to his chest. Van inhaled sharply as she embraced him from behind. She nuzzled between his shoulder blades, and curled her fingers around the fabric of his shirt. “Van, I’m so sorry,” Hitomi told him softly, drawing closer still. “I never wanted to hurt you. I…I do know. Maybe not like you do, but I know. I can’t love anyone but you.”
Van released his breath in a sigh that was nearly a sob. She does love me. She loves me. He loosened her arms from around him and turned, if only to capture her in a tighter embrace. His thoughts left him--he saw only her, felt only her arms wound around him. And he kissed her, searching for a satisfaction only she could provide. She responded hesitantly at first but passionately, pressing her body against his.
How long have I dreamt of this? Van ran his hands down her back, and shivered excitedly as she moaned softly between their mouths. She’s so perfect--we’re perfect. Why did I never have the courage before? He realized then that they’d been moving, as Hitomi’s back stopped against her desk. Hitomi reacted more quickly than he--she slid her books aside, uncaring as they toppled onto her chair, and pushed herself up onto the desk’s edge. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders, her legs around his waist, all along refusing to separate their lips and tongues. Van was surprised and almost embarrassed by her aggression. These sensations were all new to him; even so, he was wondering how to excite her more.
“Van.” Hitomi’s fingers curled tightly around the fabric of his shirt, her breath shuddered against his ear. “I love you, Van.”
Van captured her lips and held them until both were starving for air. He touched her hair, shoulders, back, and thighs; he wanted to make her his. Too many times he’d let her slip away, and now was not the time for backing down. He wasn’t the same gangly youth he’d been once; he wanted to know her body, and he was no longer afraid.
The king didn’t know--or particularly care--how much time passed; anything less than an eternity would have seemed too short anyway. It was Hitomi’s hands fastened about his wrists that finally stopped him. He followed her wide stare; one of his hands had been creeping up the leg of her shorts, the other her shirt. How they’d gotten there he had no idea, as he attempted to convey in an innocent look.
Hitomi chuckled breathlessly. “I think that’s far enough for one night,” she said, moving his hands away. She did, however, look a bit uncertain of her own sincerity. Her wide eyes were filled with awe and excitement.
Van took a deep breath, hoping that his body would calm. Not that he honestly expected it to--he didn’t want to leave. His eyes wandered to his right, to the bed that was no more than four feet away, and felt something in his chest that might have been his heart pounding almost savagely. Hitomi must have noticed his gaze, for she pushed his shoulders lightly to urge him away. She’d grown serious, and whatever his discomfort, he would honor her.
“I’m not ready for that,” Hitomi said, very quietly, her head lowered in embarrassment. “It’s not that I--“
“No, it’s all right.” He felt as if they were at a very delicate moment, and to say or expect too much would disrupt whatever strange bond they’d formed between their bodies. He smiled encouragingly. Though it was effective in raising her spirits, the beautiful smile she returned only succeeded in arousing him further. He kept talking to focus on something else. “I won’t ask you to. Besides, it’s late.”
“Yeah, we should probably get some sleep.” She slid off the desk and straightened her clothing. He did his best not to look. “There’ll be lots to do.”
“Uh-huh. So, I’ll let you sleep.” Van gulped. He stepped forward and kissed her lightly on the mouth, hoping that their excuses would work. She kissed him back, a bit more deeply than he’d hoped, making it difficult to pull away. After a moment he stepped back. “Goodnight, Hitomi.”
“Goodnight.” Hitomi smiled prettily, though she did appear a bit troubled. “I didn’t ruin it, did I?”
“Of course not. I’ll give you another kiss in the morning.” Van winked, which earned him a charming blush. Determined not to tempt himself further, he exited, closing the door with a soft click behind him. When he was certain that she could no longer hear or see him he released his breath in a contented sigh, and grinned openly, a perfect lovesick fool. He could have laughed. Instead he skipped down the stairs on light feet, hurrying to meet his dreams.
The night was quiet and still. Celena hated nights this quiet. She sat with her legs drawn to her chest, perched on the shoulder of her great Alseides. He beast was unnaturally dormant that evening--it's metal was cold as the night that bit at her flesh, and it lacked the faint hum of electric pulse that should have coursed through it. The Dragon had plucked its heart out, leaving it lifeless. Leaving Celena alone.
Celena tucked her face into her knees, biting her lip so that she too would remain silent. Around her, the forest stretched like folds of pure shadow. If any sound of an animal had echoed back to her from those tall, sentinel-like trees, she would have at least been comforted by its company. But she heard no animals. She was alone.
Alone.
She coughed, feeling the familiar pang of nausea with those thoughts. "I don't want to be alone," she murmured, rocking back and forth slightly. "I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone...." Her insides twisted, and she gagged, trying to suppress the illness. It persisted for several long minutes, filling her brain with fire.
Dragons. Dragons are out there. Dragons are changing destiny.
Celena's body shook violently, and she gripped her shoulders, trying to drive the fear and pain away. Trying to expel it from her being, or even to just ignore it. To escape the talons that were closing around her.
Dragons are changing their destinies.
It wasn't enough. Celena at last clamored down the shoulder of her beast, slid down the arm, and crumpled at its feet. Her stomach twisted, and she retched, helplessly. Please, please let it stop, she begged, still shaking, sweat beading on her forehead and dripping into her eyes. Please, somebody make it stop.
Dragons can do what we could not.
At last the pain and the nausea subsided. Celena sat back, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. She took in deep, calming breaths, allowing the discomfort to melt back into the furthest recesses of her mind. The storm had passed. Whatever damage had been done. And she curled her knees back to her chest, and continued to rock, back and forth, very slowly.
Because she was still alone.