Chapter Twenty-Three: "Something You Search For Your Whole Life."

Aeris wandered up on deck of the Highwind, as she was bored of prancing about the lower chambers. She’d hoped her enthusiasm would rub off on the other members of their strange band, but after the first three hours many of them had lost interest in trying to maintain pleasant exteriors. Most of them were asleep now. She’d spent nearly an hour around the other quarters, chatting with the guards she found or checking in on Locke’s airsickness. Celes had taken it upon herself to care for the man in his ill state. That had been amusing enough, but now she was bored. She didn’t feel like she could talk to the other women in her room: Lucca was too smart, Elena too suspicious, and Tifa…

Well, she admitted that Tifa had her own reasons for not wanting to talk to her much.

And that made her think about Cloud.

She hadn’t seen Cloud ever since they boarded the ship together, and neither had anyone else. Not that she was worried—he could take care of himself, obviously. She was more concerned about what he might have been thinking, having been told of his true origin by Celes that morning. She wanted to know how he’d taken it.

Aeris strolled aimlessly about the deck, and soon found Cloud near the stern, his hands gripped tightly about the railing. His face was pale—a fact he explained weakly as being from motion sickness. "Isn’t it funny?" he laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "Remember how I said that other soldier was the sick one? I guess it was really just me that Crono was making fun of all the time. Zack was the real SOLDIER." He stopped and faced her. "It was your Zack, wasn’t it? Your old boyfriend."

Aeris nodded, trying not to think of those old times. "I think so. But it’s okay—it was just a crush, really, and it was years ago." Hoping to draw a response from him she added, "So you don’t have to be jealous."

He smiled, the greatest reaction she could have hoped for. "I’m not jealous," he retorted with mild sarcasm. "There’s nothing to be jealous about."

"Well, if you say so." She leaned against the railing beside him. "So, wha’cha thinking about?"

Cloud looked away, instantly retreating back into himself. "Sephiroth," he replied truthfully, "and myself. My memories." His voice lowered, so that she could barely hear it over the sound of the wind. "I can’t trust anything anymore. My past, my future…it’s all illusions and lies."

Aeris set a hand on his, and another on his wrist. "Your friends aren’t illusions," she told him with quiet assurance. "I’m not. You can trust me, Cloud."

He met her gaze. "You know," he reflected, "you’re probably the only one who hasn’t lied to me."

"Maybe not the only one."

"No. You are." There was a genuine appreciation in his eyes. "I spoke to Celes a while ago. She told me about what I was like in Shin-ra. The only way they could get me to do anything was by telling me that Celes was Tifa, and that she wanted me to do it. I acted like a child on drugs or something." Finally he tore his gaze from her, as if ashamed of his own weakness. "It’s humiliating to think that I was like that, and it’s even worse that I don’t remember and never will." His expression twisted into one of contempt. "Damn Shin-ra. They helped do this to me. What am I supposed to do?"

Aeris sighed deeply. "I don’t really know, Cloud," she admitted. "I’m confused, too, like all of us. But I do know one thing." She touched his cheek with the backs of her fingers. "I know there’s more to you than what they’ve made, because I’ve seen it. No matter what they’ve done you’re still Cloud Strife, so don’t forget that."

Cloud stared down at her, and for a moment she thought she’d made it through to him at last. His eyes were clear and bright, and the faintest of smiles graced his lips. "Thanks, Aeris," he said quietly. He took her hand from his face and set in on the railing, covering it with his own. "Please, promise me you’ll never lie to me. No matter what. I trust you."

She nodded. "I promise."

They reached Gold Saucer the next evening, and Rufus left immediately to speak with Dio. "We won’t be leaving until tomorrow," Lucca told everyone, as she’d been briefed on their course of action before they'd landed. "We might as well enjoy ourselves. But don’t party too much." She winked.

"This place is absolutely obnoxious," Scarlet muttered, gazing about at the colorful scenery and delighted crowds. "And so loud."

"It’s an amusement park, isn’t it? Lucca retorted. "Try to lighten up."

Celes rejoined the group with Locke then, having been absent for the past several minutes. The treasure hunter’s face was pale and haggard, but the ever-dependable grin was still there and brighter than ever. "Thank god—solid ground!" he declared jubilantly, making a scene as he knelt down and kissed the floor. "You don’t understand how great this is!"

The general smiled. "He’s been sick the whole trip," she explained to everyone. "The break’ll do us all some good." She paused a moment. "Maybe we should find Mr. Gabbiani," she suggested. "I’m sure he’d help us get a room at the hotel."

"Gabbiani?" Sabin glanced at her curiously. "As in Setzer Gabbiani?"

"Yes. Have you heard of him?"

"Sort of." He made a face of deep concentration. "You know, it just might be the same one. Definitely worth trying, I think."

"What is?"

"Well, do whatever you like," Scarlet interrupted with annoyance, "but I’m going after Rufus." Tseng and Elena followed, and they disappeared into the crowds.

The rest of the group turned inward, deciding on what to do. Sabin spoke up first. "There’s something I gotta do. Celes, I might need your help finding this Gabbiani fellow."

"Sure, but I wish you’d tell me what this is about."

"I will. Later. First, we have to go back to the ship."

"You guys go ahead," Locke said, still weak. "I’m not getting back on that hell-thingy. Cloud and I will go find a hotel room."

Cloud glared at him. "Hey, I never said—"

"I’ll come too," Tifa spoke up then, succeeding in catching his attention. She glanced at Cloud, who nodded.

Aeris took Lucca by the arm. "Then that leaves us. We’ll just wander around, okay? See you later." She dragged the young scientist off, who shrugged helplessly.

Sabin likewise led Celes away. "Come on, general—we’re on a mission."

"I still want to know what’s going on."

"Yeah, soon enough. You’ll see." And he grinned.

When Reno and Rude arrived at Cosmo Canyon that night, Belthasar wasn’t quite sure what to do. "I’m afraid you’ve missed your colleagues," he said, making a careful study of them. His reaction was not overwhelmingly positive. "They’ve already left for the temple."

Reno shrugged. "Well, we’ll catch up later, then. In the meantime, I’m sure you have room for little’ol us."

"Ridiculous," Rufus muttered, stomping angrily out of Dio’s office. "The fool. He doesn’t know what he’s dealing with." Dark Nation growled at his side, adjusting perfectly to his master’s mood.

Scarlet had been waiting outside, and she moved to walk with him. "He’s not giving it to you?"

"No. Damn fool. Says it’s out of his ‘morals.’" He snorted. "Men who live for money have no morals."

"Like you?" she retorted wryly.

"Exactly." He stopped, shooting the man’s office door a long, hard glare of contempt. "He wants us to prove we need it, or that we have an Ancient who can use it. Otherwise he won’t sell."

The advisor shrugged. "So? We’ll bring in the little green-eyed bitch and the stone’ll be ours."

Rufus nodded, even though the idea didn’t seem to please him much. "Yes, we’ll have to find her. She’s around here somewhere; it shouldn’t be too difficult. Let’s go."

Celes was greeted with warm salutations by the Gold Saucer’s most prominent gambler as she entered the racing center. "It’s good to see you again so soon, General," he said, delicately kissing her hand. "I trust you completed your trip?"

"It was replaced by another, I’m afraid," she admitted. "But thank you for your help, before. My friends and I continue to be grateful."

Setzer grinned. "Happy to do it. Are you in need of more assistance?"

"Actually, I believe I’ve come up with a way to repay you," she replied, hoping that Sabin was right and she wasn’t doing something cruel. "Will you come with me?"

"Certainly." He hooked his arm around hers with a grin, and she led him through the bustling crowds to a secluded part in one of the restaurants Sabin had indicated for her. She immediately caught sight of her comrade leaning against the bar, speaking to the Highwind’s captain. He caught her eye. "Just over there," Celes said, pointing the pair out to Setzer. "There’s someone I want you to meet."

The gambler followed her gesture with curiosity, which quickly changed to disbelief upon seeing the woman—even her turned back was enough. Celes felt the muscles in his arm tightening. "General, " he murmured tremulously, his eyes dancing back and forth between her and the captain. "Surly this is some prank…"

"A simple introduction," she replied, beginning to guide him—almost shakily—across the room. "Don’t be nervous."

"But how…"

Sabin noticed them coming, and smiled a bit. "Here they are."

"This is ridiculous," Daryl muttered, turning around. "A total waste of—" She stopped as her eyes met his, jaw dropping with a swift intake of breath. She stared in shock.

"Daryl Highwind," Sabin introduced grandly, "I’d like you to meet Mr. Setzer Gabbiani."

She nodded, composing herself. "We already know each other." Her voice quickly morphed from stunned to anxious to firm all at once, and she extended her hand rigidly. "It’s been a long time."

He took it as if he were taking hold of the thorned stem of a beautiful rose—painfully sweet. He kissed it briefly. "Seven years, isn’t it?"

"Time flies."

His eyes sparked, remaining trained on hers. "So did we, once."

Sabin and Celes crept away unnoticed, taking a seat at one of the booths to watch. "I heard the whole thing from Cid," he explained as the pair sat down at the bar and began to speak to each other. "The four of them—Cid, Daryl, Shera, Setzer—lived together in Junon. Those two were considering marriage, in theory, until Shin-ra began the space project. Shera, Cid and Setzer left to work in the new Rocket Town, and they broke up." He smiled ruefully. "When that fell through Setzer moved away and fell out of contact."

"I knew there was something in him," Celes said thoughtfully. "And she does look an awful lot like me. What a coincidence that we’d find him here." She turned toward Sabin. "But why? It’s none of your business."

Sabin shrugged. "Dunno. Seemed like the right thing to do, after hearing all that. They look okay, don’t they?"

The general glanced at the pair quickly. "I don’t know. They look pretty serious."

"Well, let’s hope for the best." He pushed to his feet. "I’ve done my good deed for the day, and now I’m tired. Let’s get back to the room."

Tifa flopped down on the bed, eternally grateful for the softness of the mattress under her back. She groaned contentedly. "God, I miss having a nice bed. We’ve been traveling for weeks, it feels like. I wonder how Barret’s doing."

Locke sat on the bed opposite her, wiping his face with his hat. "I appreciate the sentiment," he rejoined pleasantly, "but don’t you think it’s going to be a little crowded in here with just one room? Rufus won’t like it."

"Rufus can sleep on the ship," she muttered, closing her eyes as if to soak in as much as the heavenly warmth as possible. "Because I’m telling you right now that I’m not moving."

He regarded her thoughtfully before looking away. "Fine with me," he muttered, somewhat embarrassed.

Cloud watched Tifa from the chair he’d taken, his face calm though his organs twisted in anxious knots around each other. He didn’t understand his feelings. When he spoke with Aeris he would see Tifa in his mind—her hair, her face, her perfect body—but when he was with Tifa, as he was now, it was Aeris’ innocent laughter that echoed in his skull. It was nether admonishing nor flirtatious, but a source of purity for him, and understanding. It seemed terribly fickle to him, craving the company and attention of either woman he wasn’t with, but he couldn’t help the feeling. They called to him, different enough so that he found them both attractive and equally alluring. His own indecision was maddening.

The door opened then, and Sabin and Celes entered. "We just saw Aeris with Lucca and the President in the lobby," he reported, dropping heavily next to Locke on the bed. "Arguing with the hotel manager."

"There was only one room left," the treasure hunter said. "Looks like Rufus will be sleeping in the airship after all."

Tifa peeked at him through one eye. "Told you so."

"Unless he kicks us out."

"It doesn’t matter to me." Celes removed her boots and sat beside Tifa. "All I want is a good night sleep—I don’t care where."

Cloud snorted. "You should care. This room’s only got two bed for eleven people."

They settled into a silence which might have lasted quite some time had Aeris not bounded into the room. "Hey everyone," she announced bright. "Look what I’ve got!" She held up a polished, pale blue sphere that fit snugly in her hand.

"That’s it, isn’t it?" Locke snatched it away, his eyes wide as twin full moons and just as luminous. "They Keystone. You convinced Dio to—"

"Not really." Lucca came in then, cleaning her glasses. "He wasn’t going to, so
I performed a little surgery on the security system in his showcase room." She winked. "All taken care of."

"I don’t think I want to know what that means," Locke said.

"You’re probably right. But at least we got it. Aeris convinced Rufus that it would only work for her, being an Ancient."

Aeris giggled, plucking the keystone out of his hand. "Yup. Not bad, huh? Keeps it away from Mr. Ugly Guys."

"It’s probably safer with you anyway," Celes agreed. She glanced about the room. "We’ve got four woman and three boys, unless anyone’s going back to the ship."

"Hey," Locke protested, "we’re not boys."

"Whatever. Women get beds?"

"Sounds good to me," Tifa agreed.

"Um, I’d like to say something."

Everyone paused at the sound of Cloud’s voice, as his tone was low and serious, but also hesitant. His head was hung low. "I just wanted to apologize," he said, after a moment finally raising his gaze. "It’s my fault most of you are involved with this. And I lied to you all, about who I was. I was never a real member of SOLDIER, let alone First Class. I’m sorry."

Tifa sat up, and their blank stares met and mingled for several extended moments. "I’m sorry I was paranoid of you all," he continued, by now his testimony focused on her. "I was wrong. I was the one who should have been accused. I’m sorry."

"It’s okay, Cloud," she replied quietly. "It’s not your fault."

He nodded vaguely, though unconvinced of his innocence. Slowly the room came back to life as they prepared for bed. Nobody spoke much, as if not wanting to shatter the glass silence that suspended them all. Finally the lights were out.

Several hours later Aeris awoke, and afterwards could not fall back asleep. Her mind was restless with excitement and anxiety over the future that lay ahead; she was going to the Temple of the Ancients, one of the last holy places left for her. She wondered at all the things she would see and experience there, what secrets would be uncovered. She’d long since forgotten the urgency in Glenn’s warning.

She turned toward the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the park’s dazzling fireworks, but a figure blocked her view. She frowned, and was quickly able to identify Cloud by the spikes in his hair. Curious, she slipped out of the covers and moved to his side. "Hey."

Cloud glanced at her briefly with distant eyes. "Hey."

"You can’t sleep either?" Aeris questioned in a whisper.

"No."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He didn’t answer immediately. His gaze swept the room, and when it paused she couldn’t tell where. "I…I’ve just been thinking. I feel strange."

"It might help if you talk about it," she offered again.

"…Okay. But not here."

She nodded. "Tonight’s Enchantment Night," she suggested. "You can get into any attraction for free. Just let me get fixed up, okay? Then we’ll go."

"Alright."

Aeris changed quickly, and they left the hotel and journeyed into the park once more. Even in the late hours it was still filled to capacity with vivacious sight-seers and friendly staff, and the flashing lights glowered brighter than ever; they dwarfed even the light of the moon. The pair wandered silently into the main station from where they could reach any of the park’s attractions. "This way," Aeris said. "Let’s go on the gondola. It’ll get us away form all this noise, so we can talk." She led him toward the compartment, and the attendant smiled at them. "We’ll take the slow ride, please," she told her.

"Of course." The woman grinned, and winked.

Cloud sat opposite Aeris once they’d began the short trip, arms crossed as if indifferent. But she knew him better. "So," she said easily, "what seems to be the problem?"

He sighed and turned his head toward the window. "I’m…just worried, I guess. About the Temple, and Sephiroth. And…the Promised Land."

Aeris frowned. "The Promised Land…"

"When we were in Nibelheim many things became clear to me," he explained. "Once Sephiroth has the Black Materia he’ll search for the Promised Land. Remember what Mog said? It’s the one place where it can be used."

"The Promised Land isn’t like that." She felt a strange tension in her stomach as she spoke, and she wondered at it only a moment. "Rufus thinks it’s a place with Mako, but that’s not entirely true. You can’t find it, either, because it’s not a matter of knowing where to look. It’s something that only applies to Ancients—the place where you’re most happy." She smiled, and for the first time it was an expression of suppressed sadness. "That’s the basis of our religion, I guess. The Cetra used to travel the galaxy, helping those planets that need it before returning to their Promised Land. It’s something you search for your whole life."

Cloud watched her, considering her words and a bit perplexed by her own reaction to them. "I don’t think it applies only to Ancients," he said. "Doesn’t everyone want something like that?"

"Maybe." She paused to look out the window, and was treated with a breathtaking view of the park. "It’s so beautiful here. Too bad we’re leaving tomorrow."

"Yeah…"

Aeris focused back on him. "But that’s not it, is it?" she asked. "There’s something else you’re worried about."

He returned his blank gaze to the canopy of stars outside. "It’s Sephiroth," he answered. "Always Sephiroth. Remember in Cosmo Canyon, when you asked me if I wanted him back? I’ve been thinking about that a lot."

"And…"

"I don’t want him back, but…"

"You miss him."

"Not how you think," Cloud quickly defended himself. "I hate Sephiroth—he took everything from me. But for five years I lived with his soul next to mine, and even if I didn’t realize it, he was always there helping me. It…" He licked his lips, searching for some explanation that would make sense in words rather than feelings. "It’s like being separated; I feel so isolated now, and I…" He trailed off, having found no such metaphor.

Aeris moved to the bench next to him, smiling faintly as she was beginning to understand what he was trying to relate. Placing one’s soul into another… It sounded impossible, but she knew better. Out of all of his friends she understood him the most, and the kind of odd loneliness that rested in his spirit. She thought about her own self; as an Ancient the planet spoke to her in ways not even she could always understand. She had learned to live with the gift even as it often seemed like a curse to be constantly spoken to in unintelligible whispers. But when she imagined what life would be like without those voices…she was frightened. What Cloud was feeling may have been comparable to that.

Her eyes glinted, not with mischief but inspiration. She set one hand on his and the other on his forehead. She closed her eyes. Cloud frowned. "What are you doing?"

"Shh. Just close your eyes." It might have been tricky and it might have been dangerous, but she had to try. I have a promise to keep, she thought.

Cloud jumped, and turned to glare at her with wild eyes. "What was that?"

"Did you hear me?"

"Well…" His frown deepened. "What promise?"

Aeris nearly squealed with delight. "I knew this earth stuff would come in handy some day. Now close your eyes and clear your mind."

"What are you doing?"

"Trust me," Aeris said, and he had no choice but to do so. She touched his forehead again and concentrated. She’d never attempted something as ambitious as this, but she was confident and deeply determined.

Cloud inhaled sharply. It was as if a warm mist had descended on and penetrated him, flowing through him. It soothed and comforted the turbulent anxiety that rested within his mind and filled the terrible loneliness he’d spoken of earlier. It was her soul in his, the two of them mingling with a familiar sensation he welcomed eagerly. But it was also different, as it filled him with warmth, and the sweet fragrance of spring flowers in bloom, far from Sephiroth’s cold and rigid spirit. Tiny whispers bit at his consciousness—he knew it was her voice. They spoke to him without words, and somehow he was able to understand perfectly. His own spirit reached back, hoping to keep her strong aura with him for just a while longer, as he had spent so much time alone and confined. He could imagine nothing more satisfying than the feeling that he was finally—thankfully—whole.

And, maybe, more than simply that. For the first time in weeks, he felt as if something was "right."

The gondola began to slow, and as Aeris took her hand away her spirit fled back to its owner. Cloud sighed, still feeding on the memories of the bizarre experience. As they stopped at the station once more he opened his eyes. "Aeris?"

"I guess that’s it," she said a bit breathlessly, though she still smiled. The attendant opened the door and allowed the glittering circus-like lights to dazzle their sight once more. Aeris stood and pulled Cloud with her. "Ready?"

"I suppose."

He followed her out of the gondola—they received a suggestive look from the staff member—and back to the station. By now they were both exhausted from lack of sleep and the strain of their brief spiritual event. "I guess we’d better go back," Aeris suggested.

"Yes…" Cloud felt strange now; his isolation had grown worse after tasting even so short a moment of freedom. When he looked at her he was hit by a sudden, irrepressible thought: she was very beautiful. It embarrassed him, and he didn’t know what to say to her—sharing one’s soul was, after all, a remarkably intimate gesture. A thousand questions came to mind that he could have asked, but in the end he settled with one. "Aeris," he said quietly, "do you know where your Promised Land is?"

To this she smiled. "Ya know, Cloud, I think I do."

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